The Friday... Belle Stars

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Politicks

McCain Announces Candidacy For President

By The Politico

On Wednesday, April 25, 2007, from Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Republican Senator John McCain of Arizona formally announced his candidacy for President of the United States. During his announcement, Senator McCain stated, “I’m not the youngest candidate, but I am the most experienced.”

When I first heard this news, I was very confused. Senator McCain has spent the past few months touring the country and visiting important early primary states, but yet, he had not announced that he was running for President. He even spent two weeks on the “Straight Talk Express” tour. So, I must ask, what was he doing for the past few months? I understand that this formal announcement had not been made, but was it really that big of a surprise to anyone that he had decided to run for President?

Some political analysts hypothesized that this announcement was meant to help organize and restart a campaign that hasn't made much of a showing. It seems very logical that an announcement like this could do such a thing if it had a surprise element to it. If anyone had actually questioned whether McCain would run. But we’re talking about a candidate everyone already assumed was running. Unfortunately, for McCain, this mere formality will probably won’t turn his whole campaign around.

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Kiss My Fat Ass!

The Fashionista
On The Tyra To Do

Who knew that the rallying cry for scores of American women come from none other than supermodel-turned-talk-show-host Tyra Banks?

Anorexia has come to the fore in the fashion and entertainment industries because it’s so exposed—the covers of Vogue, the runway footage on Style TV, and paparazzi photos of mantis-thin actresses sipping Diet Coke. We’ve become so accustomed to equating thin with beautiful that we can’t remember a time when it wasn’t. Occasionally, in a fashion-magazine interview, an actress or model will remark on her weight, “Why, I’ve always been thin, it’s just my body type. Honestly, I eat whatever I want.” Across the American nation, millions of women read the interview, sigh dejectedly, and reach for some Cool Ranch Doritos.

The real problem with anorexia, sadly, is not the fifty actresses or 150 models that always appear to be too thin. It is instead the hundreds of thousands of women and girls who face eating disorders, and whose conditions often go untreated. In a country where the “average” woman is 5'4" and 152 lbs and 40% of women wear a size 14 or larger, we are fixated on an ideal that is half a foot taller and fifty pounds lighter. Granted, obesity has become an even faster-growing epidemic than anorexia, and it seems now that the body image issue has become severely dichotomized—the highly visible thin versus the chubby majority.

But back to Tyra. When supermodels ruled the earth in the mid-to-late nineties, Tyra was queen of the Amazons. She graced magazine covers from Vogue to Sports Illustrated, and as a result of her illustrious career, a decade later she has become the host of America’s Next Top Model and her own successful talk show. Already, Tyra is in a position to be a role model, but her moment of glory came, surprisingly, as a result of some unflattering photographs.

An Australian tabloid published pictures of Tyra on the beach in a swimsuit, and she didn’t quite look like she did in 1997 on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Rather, Tyra looked like any number of women you’d see at the beach—full thighs, a little pudge around the waist, breasts more ponderous than perky.

At first Tyra denied that she had gained weight. She blamed the camera angles. She wore the same swimsuit on her talk show to prove that a less-than-flattering angle was partially at fault for her appearance. On her show, she spoke candidly about the photo: “I’m not saying this is horrible. Like, I look at this picture and I think it’s curvy. I think it’s beautiful. I think it is hot. I think it is sexy. I do. I do. But it’s just not me, not right now, but the way that I’m eating, one day I will be like this, and that is OK. Who cares?”

It took a long time for Tyra to admit that she had gained weight and to accept that the change in her physique was not a bad thing. She made excuses and preposterous accusations of image tampering, but her public struggle toward acceptance is a struggle shared by women around the world. For the rest of us, slightly pudgy, or hook-nosed, or weak-chinned, and entirely out of the spotlight, it’s hard enough to trade self-deprecation for a positive outlook.

Tyra had been virtually eviscerated for the whole world to see. And though it was not immediate, she finally took a good long look at herself—her body and her ego—and embraced what she saw. By appearing en maillot on television, wobbly bits and all, Tyra asserted to all of America that this is how she looks. And to the critics who called her “fat,” she offered only this admirable response:

“I have something to say to all of you that have something nasty to say about me or other women that are built like me, women that sometimes or all the time look like this, women whose names you know, women whose names you don’t, women who have been picked on, women whose husbands put them down, women at work, or girls in school, I have one thing to say to you. Kiss my fat ass!”

Is Tyra the moral arbiter of our time? I think the jury’s still out on that one, but for now she’s won the hearts of millions of women the world over. She’s beautiful. She’s successful. She’s powerful. She weighs 161 lbs and you can kiss her fat ass.

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Meet The Politico

The Politico (p&-'li-ti-"kO) is a post-collegiate pre-professional twenty-something lawyer living and working in Jackson, Tennessee. A graduate of Rhodes College and the University of Alabama, he is the official attorney of the Revolution. He is also JBB's resident expert on The Law, Congress, Democrats, Republicans and all things politicky in nature.

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Politicks

Vermont Senate Passes Non-Binding Resolution Calling for the Initiation of Impeachment Proceedings Against President Bush and Vice-President Cheney

By The Politico

If it sounds too good to be true… Last Friday, the Vermont State Senate passed a non-binding resolution that called for the United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee to initiate impeachment proceedings against President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

The resolution was passed 16–9. Three Democrats and all six Republicans voted against the resolution.

The resolution stated that both the president and vice president acted “in ways that raise serious questions of constitutionality, statutory legality, and abuse of the public trust....” The resolution alleges that the president and vice president have cost this country much of the international “good will” that arose after 9/11.

From comments made by the Democratic Speaker of the Vermont House of Representatives, this resolution will not reach the floor of the House because the resolution is partisan and divisive. He claims that it will distract Washington from trying to get our troops out of Iraq.

Interestingly, all this sound and fury means nothing. The resolution passed by the Vermont Senate was “non-binding,” which basically means that it has no legal impact and cannot become law. So the Vermont Senate’s actions on Friday were merely symbolic, and its members were really just telling everyone how they feel about Washington.

Not only is the resolution “non-binding,” it isn’t even a joint resolution. The Republican Speaker of the Vermont House of Representatives refused to take up a similar resolution. And while a joint resolution from both chambers would not have given legal force to the non-binding resolution already adopted by the Senate, a united front from the Vermont Legislature would have made the resolution more symbolic.

So when you get down to it, the Vermont Senate simply went renegade. All the fuss of last Friday has no impact on either the president or vice president of the United States. Looks like those Vermont taxpayer dollars are being put to good use!

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Horrorscopes

What will the upcoming month (give or take some weeks and days) hold? JBB asked 1st Degree Burns to get out her amulets and peek into the future for us. Here are the horrors she saw...

Aries-
These next few months are a great opportunity for you to sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and closely examine your options. Because surely you have some, and if you don't, what ever the hell is wrong with you?

Taurus-
During April in May you'll be wandering around in bewilderment, echoing Nancy Kerrigan's immortal question: Why me? Perhaps a more appropriate question is: Why NOT you?

Gemini- You know what happens when you run up to someone and kick them in the behind? Someone gets very angry with you. You will find this out the hard way.

Cancer-
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
You'll get smashed on coke 'n rum!
An drunken freak you will become,
A paper baggin' booze-hound bum,
A bottom-of-shoe piece o' bubble gum,
Cardboard boxin' in a ghetto slum
Ignored by all, including your mum
Then you'll die, so sorry, chum!

Leo-
Venus goes feckin' nuts as it orbits the sun and completes a triple axel double toe combination followed by a camel spin and a series of NINE Russian Split jumps in a row. Leos will emulate this behavior. While the Leo will be penalized on technical merit, rest assured, they will receive top marks for artistic impression.

Virgo-
You'll go on this feminist kick spouting off repeatedly about how a "woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Then I'll throw a brick at your head.

Libra- Wow, Libra. You'll be struttin' around streets paved of gold and forests of money-trees dripping with cash bills of large denominations. Then I'll throw a brick at your head.

Scorpio- Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Likely not, because throughout the coming months you'll resemble a springtime shit-storm.

Sagittarius- Mars is suddenly surrounded by a massive asteroid belt making it difficult for Martian spaceships to penetrate the atmosphere for landings. In a gesture of goodwill, Saturn will open it's skies and landing strips to all stranded Martian aircraft. One of the spin-off effects will be that Saturn's economy will experience a sudden boom due to the influx of Martian capital. Saturnites will begin to cross-breed with the Martians resulting in a new planetary species called Marturns. Growing up as an ethnic minority, the Marturns will endure years of discrimation by the time they reach adulthood. After centuries of lobbying the Saturnic Parliament for the right to vote, the disenfranchised Marturns are rejected. They will then take to arms, and not only attack their own planet, but neighboring planets including middle earth, top earth, bottom earth and earth worms. All living species in the solar system will face near extinction. Be prepared, Sagittarius, to gain 13 pounds.

Capricorn-
After stepping back to look at the bigger picture, you'll realize that religion really is the opium of the people. Crazy! All this time you thought it was the other way around.

Aquarius-
This is NOT the dawning of the "Age of Aquarius." Get a haircut and a real job like the rest of us, you lazy sloth-like barnacles on the belly of society.

Pisces-
In April and May you'll find yourself in a unique situation having to choose between the devil, the deep blue sea, a rock, AND a hard place. Let me know how it goes. May the Force be with you!

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