Am I Dating An Asshole?

Post-collegiate, pre-professional twenty-somethings face a variety of unique challenges, and we here at JBB are all about helping you face them fully informed. To that end, we have recruited Super Man, the Revolutionary Relationship Counselor, to help you along your angsty romantic way.

Super Man is going to be talking to the girls for the next few weeks in this inaugural multi-part series, but no worries fellas—your day will come.

Am I Dating An Asshole?

Question: Does he initiate communication, or does he make it seem like it’s a hassle to communicate with you?

Answer: If a dude doesn’t call you, he is trying to establish domination in the relationship. He distancing himself from you so he can keep the relationship about only two things: sex and conquest. If he makes you call him all the time, he’s trying to make it look like you need him more than he needs you. This is the typical male way of making you look like a "crazy bitch." Most likely, you are not a crazy bitch. But this makes a nice segue into the "I think that you are taking this relationship way more seriously than I am!" spiel. He can then act freaked out by your actions and end the relationship with a good conscience—and look like the normal one.


Question: Does he introduce you to his friends?

Answer: There are a few reasons that a guy wouldn’t introduce you to his friends. He may be embarrassed by his friends and doesn't want to look bad in front of you. That is the nice reason. But I’m here to tell you the asshole reasons. Unfortunately, he’s a liar and never really wanted a relationship anyway. Without you there to actualize the relationship, he can tell his friends, "I'm not dating her, I'm just banging her." Another reason is perhaps the most hurtful one. You may not meet his normal standard for women and he doesn't want his friends to rag on him about boning an "uggo." Though mean, this is actually no reflection on you, but is rather a testament to just how much of an asshole this asshole is. The fourth and probably most scary reason is that he may have no friends.


Question. Why doesn’t he want to hang out with your friends?

Answer: He may feel intimidated by a group of your girl friends and is afraid of being subjected to scrutiny. Or he may not like your friends—and no man wants to go toe-to-toe with his girlfriend’s lady friends. He might also be afraid that jealousy will rear its ugly head. If he sees how you interact with your male friends he might become suspicious and jealous. He will then proceed to make snide remarks and will eventually go for the "I don't like the way that he looks at you and acts with you" line. Bad news all around.


Question: Does he spend most of his time with his friends without you?

Answer: This is easy. He might just need his space. It is extremely rare for a guy’s friends to like his girlfriend. Instead, they make fun of him for being whipped. If the friends sense that the girlfriend is extremely needy, they will probably hate her. It's a rare treat for a girl to be able to hang with a man and his boys—and have them actually like her. Sometimes you just have to face the facts: his friends are talking about you and they don't like you. Deal with it. Just because he spends a lot of his times with his friends without you doesn't necessarily mean he is an asshole.


Question: Is his motivation for seeing you only physical?

Answer: This one is definitely tricky. You pretty much have to make your deductions from the rest of this list. Some men only know how to express how they feel for you in a physical way. When you begin a relationship, it is predominantly about the physical. If you ask him about his feelings too early, he will just look at you as if you are crazy and give you some answer so he can get back to doing what he was doing. If he’s really an asshole, he’ll figure you’re playing games and he’ll dump you outright. Again, this one’s tricky and since I can’t be in the bedroom with you, you’re pretty much on your own.