The Games of Style

Jack’s Jock Brings the Bling
Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I’ve been to the bookstores, coffee bistros, and vintage clothing shops. And my honeys are telling me about the whispers from your cubicles: It’s Style Week for Jack’s Body. You know Jack’s Jock will have to sit this one out. What can he possibly have to say about style?

Oh, my little Jablets. Never fear, for the Jock is here. And he’s been freshly washed and adorned with dee-signer boxer briefs for the occasion. To be sure, athletics have a long-standing tradition of crossing over into the world of fashion. And in some very flawed instances, fashion has reared its coiffed head in the world of athletics.

First, we’re off to The Oval—the most prestigious grounds for the game of cricket in all of the United Kingdom. Players wear traditional whites during most test plays, but they don their national team colors during one-day tests. Cricket is ever so much fun… even if most people who watch it don’t even understand the damn rules. The game was favored by the royalty of the British empire as a leisurely way to pass the time. There are mandatory pauses for both lunch and tea, and the attire allows one to be both ready for play and remain quite en vogue. But as demonstrated here, this can lead to mixed results.

We now move from the quiet of The Oval to the rougher, tougher game of the oval-shaped ball—rugby—also a descendant of the British Isles. Unlike the game played at The Oval, the game with an oval-shaped ball is really quite simple, not to mention violent. One scores by grounding the ball in the goal area or by kicking the ball through the posts, to say nothing of the entire scrum kicking between your legs for the ball. Kinky. One can look quite fashionable in the bold-striped prepster kit that swathe rugby-playing lads and lasses the big bad globe over. But just know, lads, if you play the game, there will be pain. Take it from JJ—the game is often quite brutal on the jock. Use a cup to cover those cash & prizes.

From rubgy we make the smooth slide over to polo. Indeed, polo is not only a sport but a world-famous brand of clothing with a shirt style to match. A type of shirt that goes from work to play. A shirt that one can wear all day. A shirt that one wears to the lake or to take that special girl on a special date. Take it from JJ, you lads should have more than a few of these polo shirts with little horses embroidered on them in your bevy of athletic attire. A classic never goes out of style.

And speaking of classics—here’s one as classic as Yankee pinstripes. Whether you want deflect the sun, warm up your head, or hide your bald spot from that special someone, you’ll be a cool cat in a stylin’ hat. And while it’s certainly a more casual option than some of the other uniforms we’ve discussed, if a baseball cap is good enough for 50 Cent, then it’s good enough for you. JJ-tested, Jables-approved.

And Ladies—JJ could never forget you. Jack’s Jock has scoured the pages of all of your favorite photograph-filled fashion folios and tawdry tinsel town tabloids to find the infiltration of athletics into the fashion of the fairer gender. Who can forget the athletic-themed velour that oft sheathes the mighty J-Lo booty? Though the most athletic duty one of these ever pulled was a jog to get its hair did.

But the ladies really go all out for the sport of kings—the Kentucky Derby. To any fashionable female, this classy event means only one thing, and one thing alone. And the Jock refers not to the jockeys, or to the horses. It’s all about the hats, people. Your hat and my hat. Everyone there knows that! The higher, the brighter, the wider, the wilder. Whether donned with a daisy, a rose, or a tulip. As for the Jock, I’ll slide up next to a good minty mint julip.

But no matter your style, make it your own. Compete to have the best damn style ever shown. Don some phatty phat bling, perhaps a pinky ring. Wear a chapeau, always la mode. You might look like a Mad Hatter, but style’s fun and games—and that’s the crux of the matter.