The Rocking Consumer Report
Every so often, my trusty editors like to dip into the world of merchandising and show you what’s out there for post-collegiate, pre-professional, twenty-something shoppers in the 21st century. We don’t make any money by introducing these wares; nor, unfortunately, do we get free samples for writing about them. We simply feel obliged to share certain new rock-ass products with our readership.
Name: “Alive” Chimpanzee
Price: $149.95
Materials: fur, glue, rubber, paint
Home: The Sharper Image
Observe the robotic chimpanzee. This life-sized, fully animated, infrared, stereoscopic robotic bust is lovingly crafted to look exactly like a real chimp. His eyes follow your every movement. His mouth opens and closes in expressions of glee. He is a pet, a friend, and a fabulous centerpiece.
Your “Alive” Chimpanzee is programmed with four whole emotions, listed by the sales department as “Curious,” “Happy,” “Fearful,” and—best of all— “Feisty.” Designed to react “naturally” to his surroundings, your chimp will follow your every movement with his expressive, tender gaze. He will giggle when you tickle him under the chin, and nod his head while you talk. You may also deactivate his “natural” reactions, and manipulate his every response using a handy wireless controller.
His uses include: providing companionship to the elderly, dispelling awkward moments, and educating infants about mammals. He is a comforting presence in the nighttime. He is a friendly face on a dreary company outing. Perch him in the front window to scare away potential intruders, seat him beside you on the bus so you don’t get stuck next to a stranger, or take him for a walk to meet other chimp-lovers. He is also a great centerpiece for any dinner party or cocktail gathering. Guests will be awed by his lifelike appearance and his realistic jungle noises. Just think of the conversations that will ensue!
The “Alive” Chimpanzee can be yours for just $149.95. That’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of love.
Get yours today!
For more information and a must-see educational video, go HERE.
Name: “Alive” Chimpanzee
Price: $149.95
Materials: fur, glue, rubber, paint
Home: The Sharper Image
Observe the robotic chimpanzee. This life-sized, fully animated, infrared, stereoscopic robotic bust is lovingly crafted to look exactly like a real chimp. His eyes follow your every movement. His mouth opens and closes in expressions of glee. He is a pet, a friend, and a fabulous centerpiece.
Your “Alive” Chimpanzee is programmed with four whole emotions, listed by the sales department as “Curious,” “Happy,” “Fearful,” and—best of all— “Feisty.” Designed to react “naturally” to his surroundings, your chimp will follow your every movement with his expressive, tender gaze. He will giggle when you tickle him under the chin, and nod his head while you talk. You may also deactivate his “natural” reactions, and manipulate his every response using a handy wireless controller.
His uses include: providing companionship to the elderly, dispelling awkward moments, and educating infants about mammals. He is a comforting presence in the nighttime. He is a friendly face on a dreary company outing. Perch him in the front window to scare away potential intruders, seat him beside you on the bus so you don’t get stuck next to a stranger, or take him for a walk to meet other chimp-lovers. He is also a great centerpiece for any dinner party or cocktail gathering. Guests will be awed by his lifelike appearance and his realistic jungle noises. Just think of the conversations that will ensue!
The “Alive” Chimpanzee can be yours for just $149.95. That’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of love.
Get yours today!
For more information and a must-see educational video, go HERE.
Labels: Trusty Editor Croftie
posted by oline at 2:56:00 PM
1 Comments:
croftie- that would so jazz up the little dark corner with the lava lamp and cactus and hoff figurine. also would save us some time passing memos to jack all the way across the building of JBB World HQ. we would have a minion. and $149 seems a small price to pay for a minion.
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