An East Coast Lady on East Coast Men

The Fashionista Takes On
The Coopersexual

As a sexy single girl living and working in the big city, I have a confession to make: I’ve only seen about five episodes of Sex and the City. And one of them, “Evolution,” I’ve seen repeatedly. Whenever people are talking about the show, I always bring up “Evolution” as my avowed favorite episode, mainly because it’s the only one I can really remember. (It’s season two, 1999, if you’re wondering). Charlotte is interested in a man who seems to have evolved into a “gay straight man”—a man who, due to prolonged exposure to the lifestyle of Manhattanites ($15 lychee cocktails! Art galleries! Oh my!), embodies the best of both worlds.

The slightly confusing term “gay straight” later evolved into the ubiquitous “metrosexual,” which describes men who get manicures, read magazines, use hair products, and still sleep with women. It’s been applied to Bono, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney. But over the past several months, I’ve begun to notice another trend, or possibly an evolutionary offshoot of the metrosexual. The orangutan of metrosexuality, as it were.

He dresses well, uses hair products, watches sports on television, but never makes any effort towards sexual definition. He is vehemently ambiguous. He could be a “gay straight man” or a “straight gay man.” Unlike the traditional metrosexual, who carries a Jack Spade bag on one arm and a beautiful girlfriend on the other, the “Coopersexual,” named in honor of everyone’s favorite Prada-wearing CNN anchor, remains patently unattached. He has nothing to prove.

The benefits of Coopersexuality:
1. Women love you.
2. Men love you.
3. You never have to commit.

But allow me to backtrack: we’re not talking “bi” here. Bisexuality is the boy with the fauxhawk. It’s hip but mostly among the high school crowd; it’s prevalent enough that it has hit the radar of New York magazine, which devoted a cover article to the sexual activities of high schoolers at Brooklyn’s selective public Stuyvesant High School. But men of Coopersexuality are generally beyond the realm of mere “experimentation.” This is a lifestyle choice.

We used to play a game in college: Gay Or Foreign? We actually invented it while waiting in line at the Met to see an exhibit of DaVinci’s sketches. Obviously, it was the only thing to do while waiting in an interminably long line stretched around the grand staircase. Yes, Gay or Foreign was entertaining, but it was also instructive because, let’s face it, sometimes it’s hard for a girl to tell.

As a point of reference, it was not uncommon, nor has it been for many years (possibly a Platonic tradition?) for young southern European men to have an older male lover. Eventually, the young man (the eromenos, or “beloved” as Plato calls him) would grow up and marry, leaving his lover (the erastes), and his homosexual dalliance would be a thing of the past. Beyond the obvious benefits, this relationship was also a form of patronage and education. Growing up in the shadow of that tradition has, with the help of tight jeans and man-jewelry, created the Gay Or Foreign conundrum.

Furthermore, Coopersexuals often have careers for which they aren’t willing to commit to any defined sexual identity. It indicates a reluctance to alienate any particular demographic. I have several examples, just from my own self-interested curiousity.

1. Anderson Cooper
I have loved Anderson Cooper since his days on Channel One, when he was dodging shrapnel in Bosnia. I have imagined the intelligent, sensitive, prematurely grey children we would have together. We could even name one of them after his dead brother, I conceded in my dreams, although it was a bit morbid. Anderson is now legitimately a rising star in television news: When there’s a Story to be reported, Anderson is there, just as he was twelve or thirteen years ago, risking life and limb to show the rest of America the face of disaster.

Discussion on blogs and bulletin boards can go on for days about Anderson’s sexuality. He maintains that his refusal to comment on his personal life is a matter of policy, not an indication of gayness or straightness. Bloggers on both sides continue to wait for an on-air slip-up, scour his magazine columns and lately, his memoirs, for some red flag. The latest theory, espoused on Gawker.com, has involved a mysterious man named Julio. But unlike America’s obsession with Matt Lauer as television’s most eligible bachelor, married man, separated-and-looking man, and finally divorcé, Anderson has managed to remain under the radar. So is he or isn’t he? Yes, I understand that it really isn’t our business.

2. Dave Lieberman
TV chefs are the next big thing. All of a sudden, cooking is glamorous and seductive and its practitioners are celebrities and household names. Bobby Flay is married to a beautiful actress, Jamie Oliver parties with JK from Jamiroquai, and Giada de Laurentiis is Hollywood royalty. My aunt in Chicago goes to bed every night praying that the next day, Tyler Florence will show up on her doorstep to make dinner for her. Dave Lieberman was scouted and recruited after appearing on his own local-access television show while an undergrad at Yale. He fits the formula for television chef perfectly: young, telegenic, smart, sensitive, and incapable of demonstrating scores of semi-original and simple meal preparations. For these reasons, I adore him.

On Lieberman’s website, he has a bulletin board that was meant to be used as a forum for fans to discuss food, recipes, and general information. The #2 topic of conversation is Lieberman’s sexuality. It’s a question that begs to be asked: On television, Lieberman only mentions his “friends”—Flay features his wife, Oliver his entire family (wife + two daughters), and Florence his son, flouting their heterosexuality for the camera. But Lieberman is new to television, and in the potential goldmine that is TV-chefdom, he cannot afford to alienate a demographic. Without any definitive accomplishments or culinary renown, he has to sell himself to establish a dedicated viewership. If statistics dictate that his viewers are primarily gay men or young women, he must cater to both simultaneously. Consequently, mum’s the word.

3. The Italian
This example is purely personal. Most of the men I meet through work are gay, absolutely, out and proud. It’s a function of the fashion industry. I get it, I expect it, and I accept it. But the Italian was different, somehow. He was, and still is, the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. Yes, even more so than Billy Nicholas. That accent, that style, that perfect and inimitable three-day-stubble. I was hooked. But the jury, according to everyone I’d queried, was still out, and wasn’t likely to return with a verdict any time soon. The Italian had a “business partner,” another Italian, but that evidence was far from conclusive (see above paragraph, Gay Or Foreign?). He was also photographed at swanky parties dancing with supermodels. In discussing the Peter Braunstein affair , he made off-hand comments like “my gay friends in Chelsea said…,” differentiating the gays as if they were a distinct and separate breed.

The Italian’s business is built primarily on an amazing PR machine that gets his product on stars, in films, and in front of magazine editors and merchandise buyers. In this industry, those people are overwhelmingly either women or gay men. It is highly advantageous not to alienate either demographic. And so here I am, a silly girl reduced to parsing conversations as if they were lines of Homer.

So be warned, kids. There’s a new strain of man out there, and you’re not likely to figure him out soon. Or maybe you shouldn’t even try. We’re evolving beyond metrosexuality to Coopersexuality, and all the cool kids are doing it. After all, it’s better to keep them guessing.